Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
