My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize