I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
