once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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