She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
