Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
