I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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