i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
