Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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