I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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