I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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