He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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