apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
