I just threw up on my dentist
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
