Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
