WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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