oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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