My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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