Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
