I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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