i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
