I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
