woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
