I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
