So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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