yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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