Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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