She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
