yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
