sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
