I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
