You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
