You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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