I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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