it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My feet surprised me
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