you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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