great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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