He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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