i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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