I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
