I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
