Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I looked at my own cervix.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize