can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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