Tell her she can't have a vagina
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize
