I can text with my tongue
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
