Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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