I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
