I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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