i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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