my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
