The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize