did you get engaged???
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Randomize
