your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
