Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
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i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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