Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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