i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
