If i come over, it means nothing
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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