We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize