I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize