We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
