my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
