The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
tequila makes me forget i have legs
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize