you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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