i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
