Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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