I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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