Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
