Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Randomize
