She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize