Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
