I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude i'm inner monologue high
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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