I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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