there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Randomize
