Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
