he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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